Failure

People always say that you need to fail to reach your goal in the end but, what if you keep failing and you never reach your goal? You never reach that gold at the end of the rainbow. Every single day I am at school, the little devil in my head will repeat this haunting chant, “You’re a failure. You’re not supposed to be here. Drop out now when you still have the chance.” No matter what I do the devil will not leave.

In my school career I have overcome a lot. Starting out in special needs class and ending up here, in a CCP Advance English class. Over passing all the goals I had set up for myself but, what if I fail this class? What if I don’t meet the needs of being a college student? What if I fail a different class I am currently taking? What if I don’t get the ACT score I wanted? Just what if, what if, what if. I desperately want to a go to college and travel the world but what if I don’t in the end? Would I still think highly of myself? Would my parents think highly of their oldest daughter? Would my friends still want to be friends with me after I have set up these goals and did not meet them in the end?

Like I have stated in a later post, I have wanted to be an archaeologist since I was five. Watching programs of archaeologist Dr. Zahi Hawass walking around The Valley of the Kings like it was his little personal playground and always wearing his jean button up shirt. But when I was around the age of six or seven is when the idea of becoming an archaeologist really hit off. My family and I went to the Greene and my parents bought me this heavy black book filled with the basic knowledge of ancient Egypt. Now my little six or seven year old brain could not read the book but I did look at the pictures over and over again. After we left the bookstore we walked into the middle of the shopping center to the water. There my little sister was running and screaming around the dancing water and trying to stop the water from hitting her in the face just like every normal kid but I was looking at my book.

This man next to me looked down at me and asked “Would you like to visit Egypt when you are bigger?” and me being the normal little girl, did not answer him. I just glanced at my mom and looked back down at my book. This man and my mom started talking and it turns out that this man was actually from Egypt but left the country when the government started to get really bad and which ended up to the Egyptian Revolution of 2011 but that’s a different story. We ended up seeing this man more times and going out to eat with him and trying some Egyptian foods (this is the first time I have ever had lamb) and we went to church with him and his wife. He would keep saying that he hoped that it would be a lot better in Egypt so I could travel there when I was older but as we can tell it’s probably not going to be any better. Maybe even worse but, I mean, that would make it more interesting. (Me: Hey mom, you remember that man we meet from Egypt? Mom: Oh yeah! Me: Yeah, what’s his name? Mom: *gives me like five names* Me: Okay thanks.)

The problem about this is, that there are only two colleges in the state of Ohio that I know of that have archaeology. Heidelberg University and The Ohio State University. I don’t want to become a history teacher, I want to become an archaeologist. I’m going to become an archaeologist. I’m going to one of these schools if they like it or not because I am smart enough for these schools and because I won’t have it any other way. They are just going to have to take me and my failures.

 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. . says:

    I really like this! & i hope you can achieve these goals!

    Like

  2. BethCTech says:

    This may sound cheesie, but I believe in you. Hit me up for a recommendation, when the time comes. Don’t let that little voice win!

    Like

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